I did learn that the brain will default to what it already knows how to do, especially old negative patterns- none of which I'd like to continue repeating. Certainly not the response I had during that fight or flight moment when my fiancé coldly said "I'm done," after I didn't apologize to him.
When you're a mega-doer, there's so much focus on meeting deadlines, accomplishment and results. How could there be any room for self-compassion in a whirlwind way of living?
Because of the promises I made myself, myself, not you. That I would be the best version of myself, give every bit of energy and effort I had, like my toughest workout, an important gift, and a letter of gratitude. Give, so I could say that I didn’t have any more left. You can’t say that.
Certainly, you reminded them that I was the unstable one, the unhinged woman who should have been perfectly hinged after you coldly withdrew yourself in a blink. You were the victim, as you always have been, I’m simply another woman who wronged you..
The new pieces will be in their place, and everyone will be distracted by their newness, their shininess. Why is it so difficult to let them go, they're dead anyway.
You always think it’s going to be someone else. The woman with the black eye - how did she let it get that way? Why didn’t she walk away? That couldn’t be me.
Failure, like loneliness, are often perceived as unwanted. For me, the stuff that you're either not able to see until you fail - reveals itself.
I'm in a place of re-grounding, and I can't keep running my habitual patterns to survive in my world.
rachel2point0 
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