“You make my breath catch,” he used to say all the time. He proudly retold the story of our first date when he saw me walking before I noticed him. I was much more beautiful than my profile pictures he said over dinner at the no frills Thai place. He had a warmth about him,... Continue Reading →
The trees have shown beauty and strength, and are getting tired of their leaves. I’ve been wandering, looking, searching, discovering - who am I and what am I about? What do I stand for? Who will I become after my reinvention is complete? How will I keep her alive?
I did learn that the brain will default to what it already knows how to do, especially old negative patterns- none of which I'd like to continue repeating. Certainly not the response I had during that fight or flight moment when my fiancé coldly said "I'm done," after I didn't apologize to him.
When you're a mega-doer, there's so much focus on meeting deadlines, accomplishment and results. How could there be any room for self-compassion in a whirlwind way of living?
Because of the promises I made myself, myself, not you. That I would be the best version of myself, give every bit of energy and effort I had, like my toughest workout, an important gift, and a letter of gratitude. Give, so I could say that I didn’t have any more left. You can’t say that.
Funny, I chose a profession that kept me from sharing my personal voice, being seen, or even noticed at all. I chose a field that for the most part, the external world chiefly recognizes the wins, and not the process behind them. The patterns in our lives run deep.
Words have power on a page, in a melody, accompanied by instruments. More powerful and sharper than when they come out of the mouth. They cut, burn, soothe and caress.
First steps on the path of self-discovery, and waking up from almost marrying a narcissistic sociopath.
rachel2point0 
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