You wanted to believe they were for real. He reached me. He got through a hard-to-access covert pathway that I don’t even have the directions to. From there, how could I ever let him go? They told you that they had never met anyone like you. They said you were special. I was special. This... Continue Reading →
It won't always be like this - right? I can't be carrying on about the man I thought loved me who turned out to be a narcissist for the rest of my days, can I? It certainly seems as if I have a lot to say about it. Again, it's only been seven months. 213... Continue Reading →
Suppose it never comes - complete closure. The moment it feels as if you've done what needed to be done, said everything in your heart, gave it the time to percolate and kept the feedback window open for an adequate amount of time. And it feels right. Really right. Balanced, like your mind and body... Continue Reading →
During my turn around the table, my meek voice forced out why I was there. “And so you did heroin?” someone quickly asked. No, I said. Another asked “You ended up selling your body?” “My fiancé cruelly threw me and our life away,” I summed up. “That’s everything, just that.” Several patients remained confused. Straight... Continue Reading →
Today was the day I was getting married. It's been in the works for almost two years. For the last six months, this date has been hanging over me like a dark, scary shadow. I've been preparing for this. Getting centered, getting guarded and protected by a force of love. Surrounded by loving people, in... Continue Reading →
Autumn. The most meaningful and favorite season of my life. It's the fresh start that comes in with the chilly air, as if to awaken, re-energize and refresh. Everything changes: the colors, the temperature, the ground, the clothing, the sky, the mood. It's like that wonderful chorus in one of those incredible songs that will... Continue Reading →
There were far more moments of bliss than moments of hurt and frustration with my ex-fiancé. This, is perhaps why I fell so hard in the end when he abruptly left. The flip side to narcissists is that they show a powerful display of emotion and care. There will be a time when I am... Continue Reading →
The trees have shown beauty and strength, and are getting tired of their leaves. I’ve been wandering, looking, searching, discovering - who am I and what am I about? What do I stand for? Who will I become after my reinvention is complete? How will I keep her alive?
I did learn that the brain will default to what it already knows how to do, especially old negative patterns- none of which I'd like to continue repeating. Certainly not the response I had during that fight or flight moment when my fiancé coldly said "I'm done," after I didn't apologize to him.
When you're a mega-doer, there's so much focus on meeting deadlines, accomplishment and results. How could there be any room for self-compassion in a whirlwind way of living?
rachel2point0 
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