Being the Problem

You wanted to believe they were for real.  He reached me. He got through a hard-to-access covert pathway that I don’t even have the directions to. From there, how could I ever let him go? They told you that they had never met anyone like you. They said you were special.  I was special. This... Continue Reading →

The Gift

It won't always be like this - right? I can't be carrying on about the man I thought loved me who turned out to be a narcissist for the rest of my days, can I? It certainly seems as if I have a lot to say about it. Again, it's only been seven months.  213... Continue Reading →

Not Moving On

Suppose it never comes - complete closure. The moment it feels as if you've done what needed to be done, said everything in your heart, gave it the time to percolate and kept the feedback window open for an adequate amount of time. And it feels right. Really right. Balanced, like your mind and body... Continue Reading →

The Sweetest Decline

During my turn around the table, my meek voice forced out why I was there. “And so you did heroin?” someone quickly asked. No, I said. Another asked “You ended up selling your body?” “My fiancé cruelly threw me and our life away,” I summed up. “That’s everything, just that.” Several patients remained confused. Straight... Continue Reading →

Beauty in the unexpected

Today was the day I was getting married. It's been in the works for almost two years. For the last six months, this date has been hanging over me like a dark, scary shadow. I've been preparing for this. Getting centered, getting guarded and protected by a force of love. Surrounded by loving people, in... Continue Reading →

Here it comes again

Autumn. The most meaningful and favorite season of my life. It's the fresh start that comes in with the chilly air, as if to awaken, re-energize and refresh. Everything changes: the colors, the temperature, the ground, the clothing, the sky, the mood. It's like that wonderful chorus in one of those incredible songs that will... Continue Reading →

Ain’t Gonna Be Your Fool

There were far more moments of bliss than moments of hurt and frustration with my ex-fiancé. This, is perhaps why I fell so hard in the end when he abruptly left. The flip side to narcissists is that they show a powerful display of emotion and care. There will be a time when I am... Continue Reading →

A letter to God

In Elul, the 60 days leading up to the Jewish High Holidays, it is said that God is in the fields, with us. He is informal, and predisposed to grant all requests. It is encouraged not to wait until Yom Kippur (the day to atone for sins in the previous year), but to take the... Continue Reading →

Shifts Can Happen

Bad crap happens all the time - but SHIFTS can happen all the time too. The neuroscientist said this during the "Bouncing Back" program I attended a few months ago. She covered so much, but I was just 60 something days post the trauma of being thrown in the trash and virtually left for dead... Continue Reading →

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