What kind of woman doesn't realize she's being manipulated or brainwashed, or abused? A dumb one? A woman who is poor, uneducated, struggling to make ends meet? A woman who had an abusive father, or no father at all? A woman who has never had a solid, loving relationship? Women with addiction issues? An unstable... Continue Reading →
You wanted to believe they were for real. He reached me. He got through a hard-to-access covert pathway that I don’t even have the directions to. From there, how could I ever let him go? They told you that they had never met anyone like you. They said you were special. I was special. This... Continue Reading →
I haven't been ready to complete this post, and I didn't realize that it would be my final post of this year 2017 - the year that began with such excitement and possibility; the feeling that something big will happen. 2017 emerged with fierce hope and energy. A few weeks into January, I was among... Continue Reading →
During my turn around the table, my meek voice forced out why I was there. “And so you did heroin?” someone quickly asked. No, I said. Another asked “You ended up selling your body?” “My fiancé cruelly threw me and our life away,” I summed up. “That’s everything, just that.” Several patients remained confused. Straight... Continue Reading →
Autumn. The most meaningful and favorite season of my life. It's the fresh start that comes in with the chilly air, as if to awaken, re-energize and refresh. Everything changes: the colors, the temperature, the ground, the clothing, the sky, the mood. It's like that wonderful chorus in one of those incredible songs that will... Continue Reading →
It was more common for him to turn molehills into mountains, so I learned to navigate, process my own response and reaction. While questioning him, he made me question myself.
The trees have shown beauty and strength, and are getting tired of their leaves. I’ve been wandering, looking, searching, discovering - who am I and what am I about? What do I stand for? Who will I become after my reinvention is complete? How will I keep her alive?
Gravity was the heaviest it had ever been, and my stomach was glued to the floor. There was no final conversation, no sad goodbye, no gave-it-our-best-shot chat, no mutual agreement to part and move on, no arrangements made, no inkling whatsoever.
He bought his innocence off my guilt. How do I effectively share my perspective without being judged? Can I hold credibility for speaking what was true for me, in the face of the bullshit version of his that he was early to release? Tough dilemma.
I did learn that the brain will default to what it already knows how to do, especially old negative patterns- none of which I'd like to continue repeating. Certainly not the response I had during that fight or flight moment when my fiancé coldly said "I'm done," after I didn't apologize to him.
rachel2point0 
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