This is What a Complete Mess Looks Like

What kind of woman doesn’t realize she’s being manipulated or brainwashed, or abused? A dumb one? A woman who is poor, uneducated, struggling to make ends meet? A woman who had an abusive father, or no father at all? A woman who has never had a solid, loving relationship? Women with addiction issues? An unstable chick, unreliable, a complete mess?

Oh wait — I know. It’s a woman that is mentally unsound. Emotionally fraught, weak-minded and oblivious. Not self-aware, incapable of expressing herself, and fully lacking self-confidence. Yep, that’s her. You’d know her if you saw her. You’d also feel like you could recognize her if someone else (say her former fiancé), described her and those deep, flaws. Oh yeah, you’d think. I remember that time when you said she was so upset at you for that thing. And that other time when she was acting up so badly that you had to walk away for awhile. Oh yeah. She was a crazy bitch. She wasn’t normal. No wonder you had to leave for good. Good for you man.

Bruises, blood and scars are easy to spot. Can you tell if a woman is being emotionally abused? Would you know what to look for? Could you recognize it in your own relationship? Would you be able to notice it in your own behavior?

Pandora’s Box is open now, thanks to #MeToo. So many women and men that were harassed, abused or manipulated are speaking up, sharing, retelling, admitting, opening up. And the world is responding. Pay attention to this response. Notice our own minds filling in the gaps with the voice in our heads – as we do. It’s been about four months since the *movement* emerged – what have we collectively learned?

Over the last 10 months, I have been in a deep dive evaluating my former relationship and equally as deep into uncovering the parts of me that kept him in my life. Do we have new information or new conclusions? How does someone end up harassed or abused?

She wasn’t smart enough to walk away. She is a liar and just wants attention. She can’t get over the relationship that ended. She’s unstable.

It’s in the reaction. The response, the reply, our feedback. When we notice our reaction, we can finally begin to shift our perspective, to do and think differently. Become aware of our operational pattern, and just maybe – not repeat it.

Because how can we recognize emotional abuse or manipulation in others if we aren’t able to really see ourselves as we really are? We’ve come much too far to stop at the sight of qualities we dislike in ourselves. Keep speaking up and keep looking within. Let them call you a complete mess – but don’t stop.

complete mess


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