I haven’t been ready to complete this post, and I didn’t realize that it would be my final post of this year 2017 – the year that began with such excitement and possibility; the feeling that something big will happen.
2017 emerged with fierce hope and energy. A few weeks into January, I was among the thousands of women and men sandwiched together making our way by foot, and screaming in unison at the Women’s March in Washington D.C. Being there, with so many women, in that moment it was clear I was part of something so huge going on – a movement. It’s unforgettable and one of the most humbling and powerful experiences of my life.
I carried that power and energy with me into February and March – a time when I took charge to make a more meaningful change professionally, and a time personally that meant buying my first home with the man and kids I was sharing my life with. So much possibility yet to occur. Like a new bright green shoot peering out in the snow. A bright pop of hope, yet with a questionable future. Will it get enough sun and warmth to grow and bloom? Or will another snowstorm end its’ chances of ever becoming anything at all?
I didn’t see the snowstorm coming when I peered out as a green new thing in the beginning of 2017. Or, as I’ve pondered among this blog – perhaps I actually *did* see the storm brewing, but I hoped I would be strong enough to keep pushing through in spite of the snow and the ice. Persevere. Those flowers are out there, I’ve seen them, they’re unbelievably impressive and marvelous. Strong and tough, like I thought I always was.
So in a matter of hours it will be 2018. A dear friend recently said to me “this has pretty much been the worst year of your life, hasn’t it?” My immediate reaction was “fuck yes it has!” But then I let it sit for a few seconds.
“Actually I can’t say it’s been the worst year,” I clarified. “The biggest, no – the most significant year of my life.”
I still don’t know what will come in 2018. I do know for certain, that this is the first year I will begin feeling good about who I am, and what I’m capable of. It may be the first year that I can really see myself – appreciate the woman I am – let her out as she is, and let her be.